Dreaming Out Loud

Notice: After re-reading this, it is quite selfish.. and I am sorry for that. But anyways, you should live life to make you happy, thats all I really mean.

This weekend was wonderful. It opened my eyes and I am now dreaming. Dreams exist in order to give you hope, to give you something to strive for and a goal to try to reach. There are several things that I thought about this weekend. First of all, about a place of living. After walking in this open house in Prospect neighborhood in Longmont, CO, I came to a striking realization: I really want something new in my life. I have been living in the same house for all of my memory..

Simply stated, I could really do whatever I want with my life right now. I could move, I could start my own business, I could go to school full-time, I could go on vacation for an extended period of time... I could potentially do anything.

This got me thinking of what I really want. Truthfully I want to move. I want to live somewhere that I choose. I want to start making my own decisions. It seems like I have been living other peoples' lives. Living based on their decisions and not my own. I want to choose my own destiny - whether good or bad. I want to be able to walk into my house and really believe that it is mine.

I felt that when I bought my car. When I drive, I know that every penny put into that car was mine. I know that the car, its entirety is mine, and it makes me feel good. That was the first thing in my life that I had done on my own. I made the decision, I made the choice, I weighed my options. Truthfully, I did not want others' help.. I did not want other people to tell me what to do - I have had that done my entire life. I just wanted to make a single choice on my own. And now, I look back on it and I don't believe that I could have done better. I love making my own choices. I love living my own life.

My dream is to live my own life. I am tired of pretending to be ok with where I am. I am tired to pretending to enjoy where I am in my life. I have the capability to do something different and yet I am settling for something which is not what I really want - and now I see that that is not fair to me. I should live my life to its fullest and use the resources I have to make myself truly happy.

But how?! What can I do to make myself truly happy? That is where the dreaming comes in. I will probably be thinking about this for a very long time and there is a good chance that nothing will ever happen. But just the shear joy that I am having dreaming is worth more than anything that I could ever purchase.

Option 1: Buy a new house. This is definitely going to happen eventually, but when? There are so many options that I really do not know what to do. I think that I would really enjoy a house and renting out a room and living independently.

Option 2: Start a business. I have so many ideas for businesses that it really is not even funny. From energy based to web applications, to software, to art and commercial and retail... I really do not know where to start.

Option 3: Buy a piece of property with a retail shop and house on a second level. I really like this option, because it accomplishes a lot of different things. First of all, since location is key in terms of retail, I would be living in a prime location. Probably in a downtown district where things are always going on. People always around. Although I am most definitely an introvert, I still enjoy people - more than most people realize. I love being around people. I am just usually in my own little introverted world. This option also allows me to start my own business in the retail shop below. I have several locations in mind, but I still need to do more research.

Option 4: Get an place in Boulder and go to school full-time. This is an interesting option, because it is so far from the others. I have realized recently that I really do enjoy school. I enjoy learning as long as it is relates to my life - which most of the classes in college seem to.

It is important to know that all of the previous options are not abandoning school. I will get my degree (probably several) and I also see myself going further on, maybe with a masters or doctorate. I am always keeping school in mind and trying to work my other ideas around it - not the other way around.

Change. It is something that I really need right now. I am way to tired of the same. I will keep you posted on my research and my dreaming. For now, I am simply "Dreamin' Out Loud".